8th Gadget: Video

[hero_of_smiles]

[Six days have passed since the 8th of November. That was the day he arrived in Luceti. He only caught wind of how much time had passed when he had just randomly decided to look through his journal to check old entries. Seeing that he's been here so long has hit him pretty hard. A whole year of his life has been put into this world. Away from home, away from his brother, away from his life. And that revelation has confined him to his bed the whole day.

He couldn't say he was homesick. While he had his brother, he also had neglect, and zero recognition from a parent that favored his brother. He was actually happier being away from it. It's only when he feels happy about it does the guilt and depression sink in. What kind of person is happy to be taken away from their brother? That they're glad they aren't here so he can finally feel good? This just makes him feel worse about feeling happy. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. But, he wanted to be and no matter what Luceti had offered that feeling of happiness to him.

Luceti was not as bad as he often seemed to make it out to be to the newer people. Sure what was bad was bad. The Malnosso were (from his perspective) not good. The village and he Organization in charge of them may have had similar goals but it was obvious that Luceti was, as Gai had put it, lab rats.

The people in the village were another thing entirely. As cheesy as it sounded this place felt more like home then his real home ever did. For once in his life he felt like he had friends and people that actually cared about him. Even more surprising to him; Cross could almost believe that his friends would still like him if he finally was honest with them. He just wasn't brave enough to try and show them.


Of course, this place threw him curve balls. The draft, the alternate life, the mission with the Iron eye. All of that hurt and continued to make him question the reality of his existence here and the reality of the world. A world where impossible decisions needed to be made, especially cruel ones. He was told he needed to learn how to accept and make these decisions in the future. Did the world honestly require that kind of sacrifice to save innocent lives? It's still a big conflicted mess.

That's probably described how he was feeling at the moment.. What he felt about Luceti, for being here for a year, to not missing home, to his own guilt. A big conflicting mess.

His eyes glance to his journal for a moment, reaching out and taking it in his hands. He doesn't really think much of it bu he turns the video on.]

Is it wrong to start feeling like maybe after we find a way home that you might not want to leave after all? [There's a small pause before he awkwardly looks off to the side.]
It's just-[there's a sigh.] I dunno. I've been here for a whole year and yeah-there are things I wish I never had experienced while being here.

[He's quick to add:]

But, other things have been great too. Maybe it's about taking the bad with the good. I just-I dunno. The longer I'm here the less I want to go back home.

[The way Cross sounds his tone just seems slightly desperate. Not wanting to leave but at the same time wanting to be free of the worse stuff. He kind of has to laugh a bit at that. Wow, he kind of sounds like a downer doesn't he? Okay happy things now. He'll turn his conflicted expression into a half smile.]




Maybe it's just cause I don't want to lose the friends I've made here. After all, you guys are pretty awesome. Like a nine out of ten on the awesome scale.

Comments

voice;

[neversurrender]

[This is a question Steve has asked himself many times over the past year. Of course he wants to go home. Despite all it's differences Steve had been finding his purpose, his place, in that world before he'd been brought to Luceti. And yet there are many things-particularly people-here who he can't imagine never seeing again.]

I don't think it's wrong to feel that way, Cross. In fact, I'm sure it's something a lot of us ask ourselves after we've been here awhile. I think for right now the best thing you can do is not think about it too much. Enjoy what you have here while you still have it.

voice;

[hero_of_smiles]

[Enjoy the time he has while he's here? How can he ever enjoy it when dread hangs over him like the reaper. Ticking away the time he has here until it's cut short and he's sent back home. Or worse. Someone he cares for is sent back and he's left here alone.]

Hm, maybe. Still can't get my mind off the what if's. And with whats happened to some people...

[Like death in their home world...]

It's kind of hard not to think about.

voice;

[neversurrender]

[Steve sighs. He knows personally how hard it is not to think about the future. The idea of never seeing these people again. Even some that are from his world. Like Bucky...]

I know it is. But constantly thinking about won't make you feel any better. And it won't stop the inevitable from happening. [The inevitable in this case being them going home.] The best thing you can do is not let it effect your time here. Don't let it make you miserable.

voice; filtered 99%

[hero_of_smiles]

[Whether or not Steve minds it, Cross is throwing up a filter on this. He doesn't want any of his personal issues becoming to apparent to the public.

Of course, he's also doing this because he wanted to ask something a bit more personal.]

How do you feel about all this really? About going home or staying here and all that?

[He gets these are words to help him deal with this. To get him to accept what would come and try and push that sadness away. Cross just wanted to know if Steve actually even believed the words he even said.]

voice;

[ex_texting536]

Well, that is very kind of you to say about the friends that you have here. But all friends leave one's life eventually. That's not to discourage you at all, but be aware that they may not be able or willing to stay here with you. That may mean that you will have to say goodbye to them one way or another. Unfortunate to think on, and a thought you probably had yourself, but nonetheless true.

Forgive me for going on, I mean no harm ... and you are more than welcome to dismiss what it is that I say.

voice; Oh dear god, I never thought this would happen. It's beautiful.

[hero_of_smiles]

[Ouch. No, he does not need harsh truth right now. Or the fact that he friends he collects has would one day grow tired of him or leave and he'd have to say bye.]

Ah, nah, it's cool. Guess I'm kind of asking for it if I'm putting something like this out there, huh?

voice; GLAD TO BRING THE BEAUTY

[ex_texting536]

Unfortunately.

I normally keep my opinions out of such things, but when one asks and the question is interesting enough... I feel I must answer.

action

[iwannabethegai]

[As much as Cross reminds Shu of Souta, he understands why Cross would say that. He doesn't want to lose the friends he has either. Shiemi and Cross are both important to him. Shu would be devastated if he had to leave them.

He doesn't care if they haven't even know each other for that long. They spent time together like real friends and that was more than he could say about his friends back home.]

I understand why you feel that way. When I first arrived here, I had no attachments to anything in this world. I never once thought I might find a friend and continued to think about going back home.

That way of thinking didn't get me anywhere.

Hey, Cross? Is it pathetic to ask friends for help? [Shu doesn't want to admit it but he was pretty rattled by all of the things Elizabeth said to him.]

action

[hero_of_smiles]

[Yeah, after Cross what happened last week and wondering where the hell Shu's been, things have been awkward since Shu got back. What exactly had gone down to keep him away for so long?

Was it something with Gai? Or was he kidnapped by the Malnosso? Either way, Shu hasn't told him anything yet.

For what Shu's saying there's a small frown on Cross's face.]

I can kind of see what you mean. You've got a lot going on back home and thinking about that stuff would just make things harder, right?

[Shu's question does throw him for a moment. If he were being truly honest, Cross would probably say "for other people no."

He could never ask for help or really he didn't want to. People would say they would want to help and offer an ear but he couldn't buy it. Who would want to help someone like him?

This is about Shu though. For Shu and everyone else it was okay for them to ask him for anything. And right now it was time to help Shu.]

No, no it's not. You can always ask for help and it'll never be pathetic.

action

[iwannabethegai]

[Shu feels relieved to hear that. He knows he owes Cross an explanation for everything that's happened for the past few days. He walks up towards Cross and puts his hand on the other boy's shoulder.]

Gai did it. He admitted to hurting me and Inori.

I felt helpless and weak, so I tried my best to call out to you and Shiemi. Elizabeth called me pathetic for it. She said I shouldn't even need help because I'm a hypocrite.

Even if you say that, I don't deserve your help ever again.

[Shu walks past Cross as if he were trying to end all of this peacefully.]

[voice]

[wipesfaith]

[Jean has only been here for a week, and he can already understand the dilemma of knowing two worlds. It's not that he really misses his home world - anyone should be happy to leave that hellhole behind - but he's nagged by the feeling that he abandoned it, right when he'd decided that wasn't an option anymore.

So even though he thinks Cross is annoying, he'll throw out an answer.]

It goes both ways, doesn't it? There are things you lose when you leave your world to come here, but then you find things here that you would never have back home.

[voice]

[hero_of_smiles]

[Wow Jean. Feeling isn't mutual here. Gosh, get over his little freak out already.

Cross can't help but feel a little confused as to what Jean says. He only just got here, so, wouldn't he want to be getting home as soon as possible? It's a feeling every new person usually feels...or most of them.

Cross can't help have his curiosity be piqued by this.]

What does this world have that yours doesn't?

[voice]

[wipesfaith]

A total lack of titans, for one thing.

[He doesn't have to wonder how long it will be until it's him getting gobbled up. He's constantly torn between feeling like a deserter and feeling relieved. Which makes him feel like even more of a deserter.

And...there's something else.]

[voice]

[falenandawn]

I believe it is perfectly natural to get attached to the people here. [Freyjadour certainly had. He'd met so many people here, formed attachments he'd never had in his world. But even knowing that, though, Freyjadour knew that if he was given the option to go home he would take it without hesitation.]

But there are also things you leave behind while you are here. I think the answer would be different for every person.

[voice]

[hero_of_smiles]

It seems obvious for some people about wanting to stay. Not many got a home to go back to.

[He knows for a fact dead people come back to life here from their own homes and leaving would be like this world killing them all over again. Or the Malnosso. Whoever.]

I'm just kind of different since there is something waiting for me.

[Though it's one person and he's still not sure if he wants to go back to all that neglect.]

Or not different. I dunno, I'm babbling or somethin'.

[voice]

[falenandawn]

And you still wish to stay? [It's merely a question-- there's no judgement coloring it. Obviously, it was a matter of values.]

I wish to return home, myself... must return home. [Even if he'd be leaving behind so many people he'd met here..... and Tear. He couldn't abandon his family and friends, his country.... everything that Falena was and could someday be.]

video;

[prims]

I...don't think it's a bad thing.

[ Her voice is soft, and, well. Prim has her reasons. ]

There are reasons to stay. If...if there was a way home, I'd stay here, too.

[ But then, she doesn't exist at home, does she? ]

video;

[hero_of_smiles]

[There's something about her words that makes him question why she'd want to stay. There's only one thing that comes to mind and it wasn't pleasant.

Nah, it couldn't be that. Prim said she was studying to be a doctor and she's only a couple years younger than him. Okay, different thoughts.

Maybe she was like him in a way. Almost nothing to go back to except one thing.]

Yeah, it's starting to feel like that for me too. If the Malnosso and the cultists weren't such a problem I'd probably do it.

video;

[prims]

Well...I mean, the answer there is...to try to do something about those things, right?

[ She shrugs. ]

I can't say I'd know how, but...this world itself isn't in the wrong.

video;

[bided]

In some ways, it's easy to think of a place you've been for a long time as home, isn't it? Even if you call another place your home.

video;

[hero_of_smiles]

I-uh...didn't even think of it like that.

[He bites his lip slightly, swaying back and forth as he sits.

Home. Home was supposed to make you feel wanted and Cross could honestly say this place gave him that. The only thing worth returning to was the single person who loved him. It was just thinking like that only made the indecisiveness grow. Which causes him to bite his lip even harder.]

That's the problem in the end ain't it? You've got to choose a home to go back to or stay.

video;

[bided]

...That's probably right. Home is what you decide it is, really. For me...that place will always be with my family.

[ Regardless of where they happened to be.

The only thing that kept this place from being home, then, would be the lack of Alphonse. ]

[sewdamncute]

It happens. Friends can be important.

[He should know.]

Especially if you don't like what you gotta go home to most of the time.

[hero_of_smiles]

Are you talkin' from experience?

['Cause why would Kanji say something like that? He didn't seem like he had it rough.]

[sewdamncute]

It...Yeah and no. My parents...were good, but not perfect.

[Kanji's life has been complicated.]

Got awkward after my dad died.