hero_of_smiles | 8th Gadget: Video

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8th Gadget: Video

[Six days have passed since the 8th of November. That was the day he arrived in Luceti. He only caught wind of how much time had passed when he had just randomly decided to look through his journal to check old entries. Seeing that he's been here so long has hit him pretty hard. A whole year of his life has been put into this world. Away from home, away from his brother, away from his life. And that revelation has confined him to his bed the whole day.

He couldn't say he was homesick. While he had his brother, he also had neglect, and zero recognition from a parent that favored his brother. He was actually happier being away from it. It's only when he feels happy about it does the guilt and depression sink in. What kind of person is happy to be taken away from their brother? That they're glad they aren't here so he can finally feel good? This just makes him feel worse about feeling happy. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. But, he wanted to be and no matter what Luceti had offered that feeling of happiness to him.

Luceti was not as bad as he often seemed to make it out to be to the newer people. Sure what was bad was bad. The Malnosso were (from his perspective) not good. The village and he Organization in charge of them may have had similar goals but it was obvious that Luceti was, as Gai had put it, lab rats.

The people in the village were another thing entirely. As cheesy as it sounded this place felt more like home then his real home ever did. For once in his life he felt like he had friends and people that actually cared about him. Even more surprising to him; Cross could almost believe that his friends would still like him if he finally was honest with them. He just wasn't brave enough to try and show them.

Of course, this place threw him curve balls. The draft, the alternate life, the mission with the Iron eye. All of that hurt and continued to make him question the reality of his existence here and the reality of the world. A world where impossible decisions needed to be made, especially cruel ones. He was told he needed to learn how to accept and make these decisions in the future. Did the world honestly require that kind of sacrifice to save innocent lives? It's still a big conflicted mess.

That's probably described how he was feeling at the moment.. What he felt about Luceti, for being here for a year, to not missing home, to his own guilt. A big conflicting mess.

His eyes glance to his journal for a moment, reaching out and taking it in his hands. He doesn't really think much of it bu he turns the video on.]

Is it wrong to start feeling like maybe after we find a way home that you might not want to leave after all? [There's a small pause before he awkwardly looks off to the side.]
It's just-[there's a sigh.] I dunno. I've been here for a whole year and yeah-there are things I wish I never had experienced while being here.

[He's quick to add:]

But, other things have been great too. Maybe it's about taking the bad with the good. I just-I dunno. The longer I'm here the less I want to go back home.

[The way Cross sounds his tone just seems slightly desperate. Not wanting to leave but at the same time wanting to be free of the worse stuff. He kind of has to laugh a bit at that. Wow, he kind of sounds like a downer doesn't he? Okay happy things now. He'll turn his conflicted expression into a half smile.]

Maybe it's just cause I don't want to lose the friends I've made here. After all, you guys are pretty awesome. Like a nine out of ten on the awesome scale.

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[Yeah, after Cross what happened last week and wondering where the hell Shu's been, things have been awkward since Shu got back. What exactly had gone down to keep him away for so long?

Was it something with Gai? Or was he kidnapped by the Malnosso? Either way, Shu hasn't told him anything yet.

For what Shu's saying there's a small frown on Cross's face.]

I can kind of see what you mean. You've got a lot going on back home and thinking about that stuff would just make things harder, right?

[Shu's question does throw him for a moment. If he were being truly honest, Cross would probably say "for other people no."

He could never ask for help or really he didn't want to. People would say they would want to help and offer an ear but he couldn't buy it. Who would want to help someone like him?

This is about Shu though. For Shu and everyone else it was okay for them to ask him for anything. And right now it was time to help Shu.]

No, no it's not. You can always ask for help and it'll never be pathetic.

Edited 2013-11-16 18:40 (UTC)

[Shu feels relieved to hear that. He knows he owes Cross an explanation for everything that's happened for the past few days. He walks up towards Cross and puts his hand on the other boy's shoulder.]

Gai did it. He admitted to hurting me and Inori.

I felt helpless and weak, so I tried my best to call out to you and Shiemi. Elizabeth called me pathetic for it. She said I shouldn't even need help because I'm a hypocrite.

Even if you say that, I don't deserve your help ever again.

[Shu walks past Cross as if he were trying to end all of this peacefully.]

[That escalated quickly. He finally gets an explanation why Shu had been gone and that was it? Even then it wasn't even a good one. All Cross can do is sit in mild confusion, trying to process this information and come up with questions to ask.

But, Shu's not giving him that time. He's just leaving. Nope. Not taking that. Cross abruptly rises from his seat and grabs Shu's wrist.]

Hold on a sec! What all happened?

Nothing. It's done. [Despite what Shu says, it sounds like he's trying to dodge the question. Shu isn't ready to explain everything to Cross. He's still hurt after everything that happened. 'Done' being Shu actually stabbed Gai. He clearly said he wouldn't get violent and he isn't ready to tell Cross he nearly lost his mind. Shu's acting very dismissive and stops when Cross grabs his wrist.]

It's not DONE!

[He won't budge either, won't loosen his grip. Shu might be determined to keep quiet, but Cross isn't about to get silence as his only answer. He won't remain oblivious to this or whatever Shu did.

They're friends in his book and friends don't keep things like this from each other. Or Shu shouldn't keep this from him.]

Tell me what happened.

[Cross's persistence makes Shu incredibly nervous. He's horrified of how Cross might feel if he told him. Shu knows he has to tell Cross...but he also feels guilty for every single thing he's done. He's not ready yet.

He sighs and frowns.]

You're going to hate me.

[He'll hate him? No. Not possible at all. Those words just make him want to laugh a bit. What was the point of hating him? Cross would only just lose a friend that way.]

You don't know that. I don't tend to hate people easily or at all. So tell me. Please.

[Don't say he didn't warn you.]

I stabbed Gai out of fear that he'd kill me. [Yeah...Shu will just give Cross a minute to process that. His expression right now says something along the lines of 'I won't even be surprised if you run out the door'.]

You...

[YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. He's internally screaming here, Shu.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!

Didn't he mention not to do anything like that? Just to talk? And what'd Shu mean he thought Gai would kill him?

All he can is grab Shu's shoulders and shake him a bit.]

What happened? Everything! What do you mean you thought he'd kill you?!

[Gai might not have been the nicest person to know but he can't imagine him wanting to kill anyone here in Luceti. Then again...he did agree to blow up a bunch of cultists.]

[Cross's shaking makes Shu react more emotionally than he normally would. When Shu responds he yells in frustration.]

The only way Gai could remove my power was for him to cut of my arm! When I asked him about it he shot my Void out of me. Do you get it? He hurt me. It was self defense.

I was paralyzed by my own Void because of him. Then he knocked me out and when I regained consciousness I thought he was going to finish me off for real. I wanted to talk things out without things turning this way. [His voice shakes as he says all this. It was difficult for everyone involved. Shu couldn't even stand up on his own after that happened.]

[Okay, now he's not sure what to think. Shu doesn't seem to make much sense to him until the end of the story.

This is uncomfortable. How is he supposed to answer to all this? He rubs his arm unsure as what to say next.

There's a moment of silence before he can think of something.]

Shu, I'm not saying you didn't do what you thought was needed. But, this could get really bad.

Like REALLY bad.

It's already bad. Go on.

Tell me what you need to say [Because by the sounds of it Shu thinks Cross isn't finished talking. He was already prepared for Cross to hate him so he's ready.]

[And for once, Cross is going to try and logic. He's always run his mouth before, running on emotion, but now is the time for thinking.]

All I'm saying is Gai already seems like he's got a bunch of support around the village. If anyone finds out what you did who knows what might happen.

I'm just worried something bad'll happen to you.

It's worse for Gai. [They spent a long time sorting everything out. He's not completely blind to the situation.]

Believe me. [Shu pats Cross on the shoulder as a sign of thanks.]

Iiiii'm pretty sure it'd be worse for pretty much anyone coming out of something like that with a stab wound....

[There's some concern here, but now it's shifting away from Shu for the moment.]

He's gonna be okay though, right?

I healed him.

He'll be fine. [Shu doesn't sound like he believes it himself.]

[Cross does catch that disbelief. Shu was way too easy to read half the time.]

You don't sound too sure.

[Cross pauses for a moment before putting a hand on Shu's shoulder.]

Look man, I know you feel bad about what happened but don't spread it around on the journals, okay? Things could get tricky.

['Cause Shu has shown him that he's got a really loud mouth.]

Edited 2013-12-01 18:20 (UTC)

What if they hate me? [He slips out the truth at last.]

They said they were fine but...[Honestly, Shu finds it hard to believe.]

[That only happens when he's upset and things catch him by surprise. Shu has been working on it. He knows it's been giving him problems left and right. Especially, at home.

He shoots Cross a glare for a single second and then tries to hide it.]

The last thing on my mind is using the journal.

[Now that was something he could understand. Cross scratches the back of his head, trying to find the words needed here.

He knew that feeling, that little nagging feeling that just chewed on the back of your mind. As if some little parasite burrowed it's way into their brain and continued to tell you all the insecurities of if they liked you or not.

But, he shakes the thought away both figuratively and literally.]

I'm sure they won't. All you gotta do is apologize and make it up to 'em that's all. No one's gonna hate you.

I already apologized to them.

Just saying sorry won't make the things I've done go away. [He's still being hard on himself. Elizabeth knew that Shu wasn't much of a talker and she was right. All those gestures of thanks weren't enough for Shu to feel fine afterwards.]

Well, yeah. That's why I said make it up to them. You need to show you mean it or else it isn't an apology.

Elizabeth tried to help me with that. Both of them were!

[Shu's yelling now. He didn't intend to. Thinking about this makes him upset.]

Shu, you don't have to yell at me...

I know an apology doesn't make what you did vanish. I get that. But, you can't beat yourself over it all the time.

You just need to try your best and do better for next time.

[He didn't realize that he was yelling. His volume levels lower as soon as Cross points it out to him.]

It's not just about hurting Gai. It's a little more complicated than that.

I might lose someone important unless I can jump through time and save her. Saving Inori means more to me than doing my best or trying to make up for my own mistakes. I don't expect you to understand me now.

[Cross has to process that for a moment. Shu mentioned this Inori girl. But, to the degree of what their relationship is, Cross was never clear on.

The only indicator that she was extremely important to Shu was what Shu just said.

Not understanding Shu's motivations was another thing entirely. He knew in a sense of what that feeling was, to do anything for another person. But, maybe not to the degree Shu seemed to have gone.]

Maybe I don't get that. But, is that a good way of thinking about that, Shu? It sounds like a dangerous mindset.

Not the saving her bit just the stuff afterwards.

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