Cross Blanchard (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hero_of_smiles) wrote2013-11-14 12:00 pm
hero_of_smiles) wrote2013-11-14 12:00 pm
8th Gadget: Video
[Six days have passed since the 8th of November. That was the day he arrived in Luceti. He only caught wind of how much time had passed when he had just randomly decided to look through his journal to check old entries. Seeing that he's been here so long has hit him pretty hard. A whole year of his life has been put into this world. Away from home, away from his brother, away from his life. And that revelation has confined him to his bed the whole day.
He couldn't say he was homesick. While he had his brother, he also had neglect, and zero recognition from a parent that favored his brother. He was actually happier being away from it. It's only when he feels happy about it does the guilt and depression sink in. What kind of person is happy to be taken away from their brother? That they're glad they aren't here so he can finally feel good? This just makes him feel worse about feeling happy. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. But, he wanted to be and no matter what Luceti had offered that feeling of happiness to him.
Luceti was not as bad as he often seemed to make it out to be to the newer people. Sure what was bad was bad. The Malnosso were (from his perspective) not good. The village and he Organization in charge of them may have had similar goals but it was obvious that Luceti was, as Gai had put it, lab rats.
The people in the village were another thing entirely. As cheesy as it sounded this place felt more like home then his real home ever did. For once in his life he felt like he had friends and people that actually cared about him. Even more surprising to him; Cross could almost believe that his friends would still like him if he finally was honest with them. He just wasn't brave enough to try and show them.
Of course, this place threw him curve balls. The draft, the alternate life, the mission with the Iron eye. All of that hurt and continued to make him question the reality of his existence here and the reality of the world. A world where impossible decisions needed to be made, especially cruel ones. He was told he needed to learn how to accept and make these decisions in the future. Did the world honestly require that kind of sacrifice to save innocent lives? It's still a big conflicted mess.
That's probably described how he was feeling at the moment.. What he felt about Luceti, for being here for a year, to not missing home, to his own guilt. A big conflicting mess.
His eyes glance to his journal for a moment, reaching out and taking it in his hands. He doesn't really think much of it bu he turns the video on.]
Is it wrong to start feeling like maybe after we find a way home that you might not want to leave after all? [There's a small pause before he awkwardly looks off to the side.]
It's just-[there's a sigh.] I dunno. I've been here for a whole year and yeah-there are things I wish I never had experienced while being here.
[He's quick to add:]
But, other things have been great too. Maybe it's about taking the bad with the good. I just-I dunno. The longer I'm here the less I want to go back home.
[The way Cross sounds his tone just seems slightly desperate. Not wanting to leave but at the same time wanting to be free of the worse stuff. He kind of has to laugh a bit at that. Wow, he kind of sounds like a downer doesn't he? Okay happy things now. He'll turn his conflicted expression into a half smile.]
Maybe it's just cause I don't want to lose the friends I've made here. After all, you guys are pretty awesome. Like a nine out of ten on the awesome scale.
He couldn't say he was homesick. While he had his brother, he also had neglect, and zero recognition from a parent that favored his brother. He was actually happier being away from it. It's only when he feels happy about it does the guilt and depression sink in. What kind of person is happy to be taken away from their brother? That they're glad they aren't here so he can finally feel good? This just makes him feel worse about feeling happy. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. But, he wanted to be and no matter what Luceti had offered that feeling of happiness to him.
Luceti was not as bad as he often seemed to make it out to be to the newer people. Sure what was bad was bad. The Malnosso were (from his perspective) not good. The village and he Organization in charge of them may have had similar goals but it was obvious that Luceti was, as Gai had put it, lab rats.
The people in the village were another thing entirely. As cheesy as it sounded this place felt more like home then his real home ever did. For once in his life he felt like he had friends and people that actually cared about him. Even more surprising to him; Cross could almost believe that his friends would still like him if he finally was honest with them. He just wasn't brave enough to try and show them.
Of course, this place threw him curve balls. The draft, the alternate life, the mission with the Iron eye. All of that hurt and continued to make him question the reality of his existence here and the reality of the world. A world where impossible decisions needed to be made, especially cruel ones. He was told he needed to learn how to accept and make these decisions in the future. Did the world honestly require that kind of sacrifice to save innocent lives? It's still a big conflicted mess.
That's probably described how he was feeling at the moment.. What he felt about Luceti, for being here for a year, to not missing home, to his own guilt. A big conflicting mess.
His eyes glance to his journal for a moment, reaching out and taking it in his hands. He doesn't really think much of it bu he turns the video on.]
Is it wrong to start feeling like maybe after we find a way home that you might not want to leave after all? [There's a small pause before he awkwardly looks off to the side.]
It's just-[there's a sigh.] I dunno. I've been here for a whole year and yeah-there are things I wish I never had experienced while being here.
[He's quick to add:]
But, other things have been great too. Maybe it's about taking the bad with the good. I just-I dunno. The longer I'm here the less I want to go back home.
[The way Cross sounds his tone just seems slightly desperate. Not wanting to leave but at the same time wanting to be free of the worse stuff. He kind of has to laugh a bit at that. Wow, he kind of sounds like a downer doesn't he? Okay happy things now. He'll turn his conflicted expression into a half smile.]
Maybe it's just cause I don't want to lose the friends I've made here. After all, you guys are pretty awesome. Like a nine out of ten on the awesome scale.