hero_of_smiles | 8th Gadget: Video

[Six days have passed since the 8th of November. That was the day he arrived in Luceti. He only caught wind of how much time had passed when he had just randomly decided to look through his journal to check old entries. Seeing that he's been here so long has hit him pretty hard. A whole year of his life has been put into this world. Away from home, away from his brother, away from his life. And that revelation has confined him to his bed the whole day.

He couldn't say he was homesick. While he had his brother, he also had neglect, and zero recognition from a parent that favored his brother. He was actually happier being away from it. It's only when he feels happy about it does the guilt and depression sink in. What kind of person is happy to be taken away from their brother? That they're glad they aren't here so he can finally feel good? This just makes him feel worse about feeling happy. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. But, he wanted to be and no matter what Luceti had offered that feeling of happiness to him.

Luceti was not as bad as he often seemed to make it out to be to the newer people. Sure what was bad was bad. The Malnosso were (from his perspective) not good. The village and he Organization in charge of them may have had similar goals but it was obvious that Luceti was, as Gai had put it, lab rats.

The people in the village were another thing entirely. As cheesy as it sounded this place felt more like home then his real home ever did. For once in his life he felt like he had friends and people that actually cared about him. Even more surprising to him; Cross could almost believe that his friends would still like him if he finally was honest with them. He just wasn't brave enough to try and show them.

Of course, this place threw him curve balls. The draft, the alternate life, the mission with the Iron eye. All of that hurt and continued to make him question the reality of his existence here and the reality of the world. A world where impossible decisions needed to be made, especially cruel ones. He was told he needed to learn how to accept and make these decisions in the future. Did the world honestly require that kind of sacrifice to save innocent lives? It's still a big conflicted mess.

That's probably described how he was feeling at the moment.. What he felt about Luceti, for being here for a year, to not missing home, to his own guilt. A big conflicting mess.

His eyes glance to his journal for a moment, reaching out and taking it in his hands. He doesn't really think much of it bu he turns the video on.]

Is it wrong to start feeling like maybe after we find a way home that you might not want to leave after all? [There's a small pause before he awkwardly looks off to the side.]
It's just-[there's a sigh.] I dunno. I've been here for a whole year and yeah-there are things I wish I never had experienced while being here.

[He's quick to add:]

But, other things have been great too. Maybe it's about taking the bad with the good. I just-I dunno. The longer I'm here the less I want to go back home.

[The way Cross sounds his tone just seems slightly desperate. Not wanting to leave but at the same time wanting to be free of the worse stuff. He kind of has to laugh a bit at that. Wow, he kind of sounds like a downer doesn't he? Okay happy things now. He'll turn his conflicted expression into a half smile.]

Maybe it's just cause I don't want to lose the friends I've made here. After all, you guys are pretty awesome. Like a nine out of ten on the awesome scale.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Soooo you guys DON'T have fighter planes that could just shoot them? Or robotic suits to shoot lasers at them down, huh?

[Because Jean had him thinking for a moment his society was more advanced. After all, some kind of machinery that could make you move in 3D? Assuming it's what it meant it sounded pretty advanced. But, blades? Yeah he's guessing maybe not so much now.]

Jeez, you'll need to show me this thing sometime.

Edited 2013-11-30 03:42 (UTC)

I don't even know what any of that stuff is, so obviously we don't have it. [His irritation strains through his words. Wondering through the hypotheticals - what if we had this or what if we could do this - is always as frustrating as it is tempting.]

Yeah...sure, maybe you can see it an action sometime.

Oh...that'd explain it, sorry.

[Wow, he's just making everybody's day shitty isn't he?]

We could go to the battle dome sometime hen you're not busy.

[Read: lets go to the Battle dome right now and show me this thing so I can stop thinking about stuff.]

Is anyone ever busy here?

I'll let you know next time I go. [His uncommitted tone indicates he might forget, though.]

Sort of. People do work in the stores and some people even go to school

I even worked on some stuff for awhile. Ya just find things to do.

[He can tell.]

I'll remind you sometime.

[A vaguely affirmative grunt.]

So what about you? Isn't there anything waiting for you back home?

Uh, just my bro is all. He'd probably be freaking out with worry right now if things were still moving along.

I don't get why everyone here is so damn sure time just stands still while we're here.

Don't get me wrong, I sure as hell hope it doesn't go anywhere without me...just seems like wishful thinking is all.

There's been evidence from people who come back and remember their time here. They say they went right back from where they left.

Besides it's also being optimistic. Nothing wrong with that.

Never said there was. But there's a difference between optimism and outright denial.

So people can actually remember picking up right where they left off when they go back?

Not denial if it's true.

[Seriously, Jean, where is your optimism? Oh right, eaten by the Titans.]

Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes from what I hear.

Guess I have no choice but to believe you...

It's better than the alternative. [He'll try to stifle his paranoid fantasies of returning home after months of being gone, only to discover that more of his friends have died gruesome deaths.]

I'm guessing this has to do with what you're up to back home. Whatever it is. Worrying about the time thing.

[And don't say you're not. He can tell.]

I have no idea what the hell's going to happen there, to be honest. I don't want to go back only to find out I let my comrades down by going AWOL for months.

[He doesn't want to shoulder the weight of that many dead bodies - because there would have to be more bodies - even if it's unlikely that his presence on the battlefield would make that much of a difference. He doesn't want to hate himself.]

Well, you know, just keep positive. You'll get back home and your friends will be okay. Promise and then you'll beat the heck outta of those titans.

[Look, look, he's beaming smiles and rainbows right now to help you feel better, Jean!]

[A loud scoff. Are you even real?]

Well aren't you a fucking ball of positivity.

Kinda my thing. Positive and junk. It helps with life and stuff. It's kind of a good thing.

[Okay, so maybe his words were a little harsh.]

I guess it's just a little hard for me to look at it that way. Call me a realist.

Sounds more like pessimism to me.

[Sigh, he meets a lot of those.]

Isn't it the same thing? Reality is pretty shitty, in case you haven't noticed, so it only makes sense to be pessimistic about it.

If it helps to get you off my case, I'm trying that whole optimism thing out a little bit.

8th Gadget: Video

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wait when did it turn to video

omfg i must've done that by mistake sorry x-x

rofl it's cool, i didn't even notice til now

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