hero_of_smiles | Fifth Gadget: I was stupid, so stupid. [Voice/action]

[The toils of war were things Cross only read about and even than he never understood it. Why did people kill others? Why did they do horrible things to one another when it wasn't needed? But, why did he fight? Cross constantly told himself it was to protect people. To be a hero.

But that was all a lie and he knew it was. He played hero to make friends. To make people like him. The ultimate solver of loneliness in his opinion. But, this...none of that back in the draft was what he wanted. He watched people getting maimed in horrendous ways and brutally slaughtered. Was that what war really was? Senseless destruction and murder?

He had thought only the bad people killed...but people from his side were doing it too. Could it be that life just wasn't that black and white as he thought it was? Could he have been wrong as he watched a river of blood collect in that place? The thoughts of all that horror is swimming in his head as he lies in his bed, wrapped tightly in his bed sheets like a protective cocoon. Cross wants to believe that this would keep his world from crumbling all together. But, the fabric isn't tight enough to keep the pieces of his beliefs from hitting and smashing on the floor.

Cross turns to his journal and stares at it for a long moment. Did he try and find comfort in others? Or try and act like everything was normal? When he finally decides, he flips it open, deciding voice is the better choice this time.]

Hey, um...to the people on the draft that fought with me. I wanna say thanks for having my back. I was probably pretty useless out there so thanks for keeping me alive long enough to get back here.

[Cross breathes deeply for a moment. A hollow smirk coming on his face.]

So, that was what a war was like, huh? And people here have gone through this stuff before. Man can't even imagine doing that all the time or how any of you can deal with it. Going to war and killing people I mean.

[He can only let out a small laugh at that.]

Guess I'm just stupid. Really stupid.

[And he just shuts off his book. Because even with seeing all that he doesn't think he could even bring himself to committing those acts as easily as others did.]

[Later when he can finally feel his legs again, Cross has gone into the village deciding he can't just hole up in his apartment. For whoever he knows he's gotta at least try and look like he can move past what he saw and what he dealt with.

He decides to head to Seventh Heaven getting food in his stomach was something he needed to do.

After that he's going to the library, this time around he's made himself another book fort. Maybe hiding in it could make the memories of war go away.

Lastly, he's gone the bar. Why? Well in his book fort rummaging he read that alcohol can help with this kind of stuff and while he may be a minor maybe it won't matter here. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I suppose brutal is more apt. I've heard stories of drafts. [More like wars than anything] No one should have to get involved.

If no one did though...those guys would just murder all the innocent people in those places wouldn't they? Even if we're stuck here we gotta do somethin'.

But...

[All he can do is move his hands up to the back of his head as he grips at his hair.]

I just never imagined they would be so...so brutal. Those cultists I mean.

People often are brutal. Even the kindest seeming can be, did you know? Even if they believe they have the best intentions or they are afraid.

[she takes a sip of her drink. It's hard, she can tell, but it's also life and must be dealt with]

Other times, people are just brutal because they can be. It doesn't matter so long as the person you are brutal to is the 'other', ne?

[Kindness being really brutal? He couldn't see it. Why would someone kind be like that? Really though, maybe it was possible. Looking back, in his books even some of the villains tried to play the kind mentor figure for the hero, only to stab them in the back.

His confusion is prominent as he furrows his brow and clenches at his glass. Was she making a comment about him with what she was saying?]

I still don't really get it. What do you mean "the person you are brutal to is the other'? I'm not brutal if that's what you're getting at.

The other. Someone or something that looks different. That is different. That you are afraid of. Perhaps justifiably so.

Now I really don't get it. Something that's different shouldn't be scary.

... Oh no? If a monster from the ether were to rise up in front of you, bristling with poisonous fangs, and approach seeming to attack, would you not be a little afraid?

Okay, that's different. I thought you meant like a person or something. Maybeeeee I'd be a little freaked. Maybe.

[Ultimately though a hero can't be scared.]

A monster can't also be a person?

....Now you're just being cruel.

[Seriously, way to box him in.]

Aren't you? You assume based on looks that something can't be a person. If I came to you looking like this [several arms sprout up from her back looking like skeletal feathers and eyes open along them, all centered on him. A third eye opens on her forehead and a mouth appears on the table to say]

I'd be more difficult to talk to, ne?

[Annnnd he's just going to fall over in his seat. That was both surprising and a bit frightening.

At that he instantly gets back up frowning.]

Okay, that's not what I meant! If you looked like that and you were trying to kill me, we'd have a problem!

[Though the sight is disturbing enough to leave him looking a little green.]

And what makes you assume an attack? Could even a peaceful gesture be construed otherwise, I wonder?

[though she takes pity on him and the hands disappear in a shower of petals]

It's a very complicated world, Cross-chan.

[There's a frown and he just places his head on the table.]

Why couldn't it just be as simple as it is in the books?

Because books are the ideal. They're stories pinned down, fixed and unchanging. The world is dynamic and involved, and has more surprises than books can ever provide.

[He's a little skeptical. Why? Probably just to keep a hold of that little ideal of his perfect world inside his head. But, Luceti has slowly been showing him that maybe there can be no perfect ideals...]

Doesn't seem so dynamic to me. Just seems the same everywhere you go.

[People all acted the same, maybe not in personality, but the same desires and same attitude to certain things. ]

Perhaps you just have a static way of looking at things. There are more ways and roads than just yours, Cross-chan.

I don't have a static way of thinking! I'm pretty open minded thank you very much!

[Which is totally a lie in some cases.]

Fifth Gadget: I was stupid, so stupid. [Voice/action]

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[Action]; I'm forever late x-x

[Action] s'all good

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