Cross Blanchard (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hero_of_smiles) wrote2013-04-07 10:12 pm
hero_of_smiles) wrote2013-04-07 10:12 pm
Fifth Gadget: I was stupid, so stupid. [Voice/action]
[The toils of war were things Cross only read about and even than he never understood it. Why did people kill others? Why did they do horrible things to one another when it wasn't needed? But, why did he fight? Cross constantly told himself it was to protect people. To be a hero.
But that was all a lie and he knew it was. He played hero to make friends. To make people like him. The ultimate solver of loneliness in his opinion. But, this...none of that back in the draft was what he wanted. He watched people getting maimed in horrendous ways and brutally slaughtered. Was that what war really was? Senseless destruction and murder?
He had thought only the bad people killed...but people from his side were doing it too. Could it be that life just wasn't that black and white as he thought it was? Could he have been wrong as he watched a river of blood collect in that place? The thoughts of all that horror is swimming in his head as he lies in his bed, wrapped tightly in his bed sheets like a protective cocoon. Cross wants to believe that this would keep his world from crumbling all together. But, the fabric isn't tight enough to keep the pieces of his beliefs from hitting and smashing on the floor.
Cross turns to his journal and stares at it for a long moment. Did he try and find comfort in others? Or try and act like everything was normal? When he finally decides, he flips it open, deciding voice is the better choice this time.]
Hey, um...to the people on the draft that fought with me. I wanna say thanks for having my back. I was probably pretty useless out there so thanks for keeping me alive long enough to get back here.
[Cross breathes deeply for a moment. A hollow smirk coming on his face.]
So, that was what a war was like, huh? And people here have gone through this stuff before. Man can't even imagine doing that all the time or how any of you can deal with it. Going to war and killing people I mean.
[He can only let out a small laugh at that.]
Guess I'm just stupid. Really stupid.
[And he just shuts off his book. Because even with seeing all that he doesn't think he could even bring himself to committing those acts as easily as others did.]
[Later when he can finally feel his legs again, Cross has gone into the village deciding he can't just hole up in his apartment. For whoever he knows he's gotta at least try and look like he can move past what he saw and what he dealt with.
He decides to head to Seventh Heaven getting food in his stomach was something he needed to do.
After that he's going to the library, this time around he's made himself another book fort. Maybe hiding in it could make the memories of war go away.
Lastly, he's gone the bar. Why? Well in his book fort rummaging he read that alcohol can help with this kind of stuff and while he may be a minor maybe it won't matter here. ]
But that was all a lie and he knew it was. He played hero to make friends. To make people like him. The ultimate solver of loneliness in his opinion. But, this...none of that back in the draft was what he wanted. He watched people getting maimed in horrendous ways and brutally slaughtered. Was that what war really was? Senseless destruction and murder?
He had thought only the bad people killed...but people from his side were doing it too. Could it be that life just wasn't that black and white as he thought it was? Could he have been wrong as he watched a river of blood collect in that place? The thoughts of all that horror is swimming in his head as he lies in his bed, wrapped tightly in his bed sheets like a protective cocoon. Cross wants to believe that this would keep his world from crumbling all together. But, the fabric isn't tight enough to keep the pieces of his beliefs from hitting and smashing on the floor.
Cross turns to his journal and stares at it for a long moment. Did he try and find comfort in others? Or try and act like everything was normal? When he finally decides, he flips it open, deciding voice is the better choice this time.]
Hey, um...to the people on the draft that fought with me. I wanna say thanks for having my back. I was probably pretty useless out there so thanks for keeping me alive long enough to get back here.
[Cross breathes deeply for a moment. A hollow smirk coming on his face.]
So, that was what a war was like, huh? And people here have gone through this stuff before. Man can't even imagine doing that all the time or how any of you can deal with it. Going to war and killing people I mean.
[He can only let out a small laugh at that.]
Guess I'm just stupid. Really stupid.
[And he just shuts off his book. Because even with seeing all that he doesn't think he could even bring himself to committing those acts as easily as others did.]
[Later when he can finally feel his legs again, Cross has gone into the village deciding he can't just hole up in his apartment. For whoever he knows he's gotta at least try and look like he can move past what he saw and what he dealt with.
He decides to head to Seventh Heaven getting food in his stomach was something he needed to do.
After that he's going to the library, this time around he's made himself another book fort. Maybe hiding in it could make the memories of war go away.
Lastly, he's gone the bar. Why? Well in his book fort rummaging he read that alcohol can help with this kind of stuff and while he may be a minor maybe it won't matter here. ]
no subject
voice
Hey, Princess Leanne, what's up?
voice
Where is my lord at? I wish to see him. And please, just call me Leanne.
voice
voice
voice
You don't have to ask. You can come on by. The door will be unlocked.
[He'll make an effort though to get out of his bed cocoon and take a seat. He's still has got his blankets tightly around him though.]